Finding Hope in the Midst of Grief

Photo by Darrin Phegley

The late afternoon sun casts picturesque beams over the Ohio River and through the large windows of the spacious room on the second floor of the Henderson Public Library. A unique fundraiser will be held there on August 18th from 6-9 p.m. “We are going to drink a little bourbon, have a little fun, and raise some money,” Shelly Sutton says with a big smile as she shares about an upcoming Infinite Hope fundraiser. Bourbon For Hope is “an experience with multiple distilleries’’ where each ticketholder will have the opportunity to taste numerous bourbons and bourbon cocktails, snack on charcuterie boards, listen to live music, partake in a live bourbon auction, and take home a Glencairn Glass all while supporting a worthy cause. “Henderson has never had an event quite like this one,” Cindy Weaver, Founder, and Executive Director of Infinite, stated.

The group understands that life is worth celebrating, thus their involvement in Infinite Hope. The non-profit, formed in 2020, aims to “ensure no one has to experience suicide loss alone.” This passion grew within Cindy as she witnessed numerous times the pain the families of suicide victims experience. “It wouldn’t leave me alone,” she says of the tug she felt towards starting a group whose mission would be survivor support and suicide awareness. Her dedication to the cause led to the formation of support groups, which began in May 2021, and, most recently, a Loss Team. The Loss (Local Outreach to Suicide Survivors) team is a group of dedicated individuals trained to respond immediately to provide support and guidance when a local suicide occurs. Both the Loss Team and the board members are people from all walks of life, including Webster County’s Coroner, Darin Townsend, who noted that the suicide rate for this state region is rising. For Darin, the perspective of his profession gave him a zeal for the organization, adding that he wants everyone in this area “to have access to these services.” Another board member and Loss Team member, Tracy Vaughn, who was an only child herself and then raising an only child, can empathize with how dire being alone in a dark time must feel and joined as a way to help give back to her community. 

The organization serves three counties in Western Kentucky – Henderson, Webster and Union, and is the only organization in the state that offers everything they do in the way of suicide prevention and suicide postvention (services for those who have lost a loved one to suicide.)

Loss Team members Erika Nicholas, Patti Hunnicutt, and Shelly Sutton are bound together by a bond they wish they didn’t have. Each one of them has lost a son to suicide. Erika, who lost her son to suicide in 2021, spoke on the value of the Loss Team, “I would have given anything for someone to have been there when the coroner came. I had no one.” She had recently moved to Henderson with her son, while her family lived away in another city when the suicide occurred.” For Erika, the support groups have been a lifeline. “You feel alone. He was my only child. I’m now in a house by myself, thinking thoughts no one should ever think. Then you come together with a group who have also lost someone, and you hear their stories and don’t feel so alone.”

Agreeing with Erika, Patti echoes, “I think a support group is a big thing. I would have never imagined myself as ever being someone who is a suicide loss survivor. In this group, we get to share memories of that person we lost. You know the people there have experienced this same thing.” Through her somber yet hopeful tone of voice, she continues, “Even though I hate that we share the same thing, it bonds us. It’s good to know someone understands.” Patti also feels a great deal of gratitude for the yearly remembrance event, which will be held on Saturday, September 23. “You feel like you are actively doing something to honor the person you lost. It’s a big thing to me.” Patti lost her son in 2003, showing that the passage of time doesn’t diminish the need for healing and support. 

Shelly, who lost her son in 2020, speaks to how isolating the loss can feel when family and friends don’t speak and avoid interaction due to “not knowing what to say.” She shared how Walmart has become a painful place for her as she sees people she knows who actively avoid her in an effort not to say the wrong thing. She agrees that the support group helps her navigate the pain of her immense loss. “It’s a safe place,” she explains regarding the feeling in the group, “If I start crying, they don’t look at me like I’m crazy. It’s okay. We can feel those emotions in those meetings. We’ve all lost someone to suicide, and it’s comforting to go to our meetings and see one another.”

Through certifications, training, and personal experience, Cindy understands the power of turning pain into purpose. “Grief is internal. Mourning is the external expression of that. Talking about it in a safe place helps release internal grief. This facilitates healing.”

The support group isn’t made up of only discussion. There are therapeutic activities such as the one described by Shelly. “We broke a glass bowl with a hammer, then pieced it together with glue. Then we used gold leaf paint to turn it into art. I have mine in the China cabinet with my grandmother’s dishes.” All in the room agreed that this added a beautiful visual for creating purpose. “It represents how my life shattered the moment he died. I’m slowly putting the pieces back together with the help of these ladies who have also lost their sons, as well as with Cindy and all the members of the Loss team and the board.” 

All proceeds raised by the Bourbon for Hope event, sponsored by Beverage Barn and Cap & Cork, will fund the extended training, operational costs, and services offered to those suffering from unimaginable loss in our area. Infinite Hope is solely operated by volunteers who donate their time to assist local families in need and by generous donations from our community. Tickets are available at www.infinitehopekentucky.com or by visiting their Instagram or Facebook pages. For more information and to find a complete list of services provided by Infinite Hope and ways to donate, visit the website or email [email protected].